me the gardener? pshaw.

Pretending to be a gardener has taken over my life.

I spend so much time standing and squatting in the front garden that I’m thinking the purple things don’t grow because they’re scared of my butt.  But I’m relentless on the weeds and deadheads.  I hate the purple Salvias so much I contemplate “accidentally” stepping on them or blaming their permanent demise on the cat that prefers to nap in the corner of the garden.  I have one pot of flowers that were injured in the move from store to my house and one Salvia has thrived, so much that the plant is three times taller than the gorgeous ones my mom’s got going and the flower is a really bright purple.   But instead of killing the other, ugly, short, stumpy, insolent flowers, I simply loaded them with miracle grow potting soil and am doing my best to keep my hands off of them.

I almost got in an accident the other day driving into my neighborhood because I was more focused on a neighbor’s flowers than the car coming at me.

I want one of every plant the grocery store (yes, the grocery store – what?  It’s not like I go anywhere else) has to offer in the front of the store.    I contemplate the seed display each time I pass it.

I’m seriously considering the removal of several trees in my backyard that I’ve previously fought so hard to keep standing in order to allow more sunlight onto my veggies.

I wonder if the dogs will be really pissed if I take up another section of their yard, dig up all the dirt and tack up another bright orange fence around it.

I search the interwebs for seeds, information, the best way to get things to grow.

I perused the aisles of a couple stores for garden decorations to the point of distraction today – and even said, out loud, that I thought they were cheesy, chintzy, tacky…but might look cute poking out from the violas…

violas and coleus

while scouring my brain (and google) for the name “coleus” I ran across this:  *drool*

I’m considering starting a compost pile.

I instructed one of my outdoor cats that he was not, under any circumstance, to leave his post at the garden fence and gave him permission to kill, kill, kill anything that tries to cross the boundary.

I don’t think one of any plant is sufficient and I think possibly I should make a trip on the sly to the store and pick up another zucchini and cucumber plant.  I’m definitely considering getting another cherry tomato plant.

Todd thinks we’re going to be killed by a rogue watermelon plant in the middle of the night there are so many in what’s going to be named the “jungle” side of the veggies.

What’s ironic is all these seed plants will kill my stomach.  And I don’t even like or eat watermelon.

I’m pretty sure that during this, my virgin gardening expedition, with all my vast (err…3 weeks’ worth) experience, I should certainly next tackle the root veggies – carrots, taters, sweet taters – and I should do this soon.

It’s crawled into my facebook statuses and has become a major topic when talking to…well, anyone I talk to, it feels like.   I could totally strike up a conversation with a total stranger about potting soil, seeds versus plants and when to thin….I’d be completely ignorant, but I’d still have the conversation.

Yes, pretending to be a gardener has taken over my life.



  1. me Said:

    congrats, you have turned into Sean. lol. I’m happy that you haven’t killed anything! Hot peppers grow well in containers…thin out the watermelons, it won’t kill you…I love that purple thing on the link….you can cut off a slice of potato that has a sprout and plant that. 🙂

    • jennifer Said:

      me too with the purple thing (*cough* coleus *cough*) I dragged a kid over and said I want, I want, I want!

  2. Rach Said:

    Try chilli plants – dead easy to grow
    so are spring onions 🙂

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